


My True Love Sent to Me...

by FivePips



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 12 Days of Christmas, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Christmas, M/M, Secret Admirer, Sirius is an idiot, Twelve Days Of Christmas, Unrequited Love, long term crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 10:07:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12815229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FivePips/pseuds/FivePips
Summary: Sirius Black loves Christmas. Sirius Black is also the object of someone's desire that keeps sending him gifts that correspond with the twelve days of Christmas. While that is happening, he's also rekindling a friendship that had sort of fell apart over the few years following university.A partridge in a pear tree and two turtle doves.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I will be continuing Call It Dreaming but I'm taking a break from it because I have so much going on and I really want to write this Christmas fic. I'l probably post the two chapters for that fic over the next few weeks but this fic is going to be updated right up until Christmas.

Sirius Black LOVED Christmastime. It was his favorite time of the year. The snow, the decorations, the smells, the tastes. Christmas was the best.

When he was a boy, the normally depressing Black estate would turn into a magical fairy lit heaven. Then when he was at away at boarding school, Hogwarts would go all out. During uni he would decorate his student housing to the tops, driving everyone a bit mad really. Now, out of school and working as an account for Monty Potter’s clean water charity, his office was decorated as soon as he felt a chill in the air or it was the second to last week of November—whatever came first. It was now his fifth year in the office, and he knew exactly how to set it up to get maximum Christmas without being too tacky. It was a perfect balance. Everyone in the office loved it and always wanted to come visit him once the decorations were up. It was a nice little place to spend his working hours.

The main reason he loved Christmas, was that it always made him feel safe and calm for some reason. Maybe it was how lights seemed to be lower and fires were always lit. Or it was just the spirit in the air. People seemed to be in a better mood for the most part. As the days grew closer to the end of the year, he felt fresh and new as well. It was just a wonderful mixture of feelings. He also got to spend so much time with all the people he loved and cared about because there always seemed to be parties or dinners to go to.

“Package for you.” James came in carrying a fairly large parcel in his hands and some envelops stuck under his arm. “By the way Remus is back in town if you didn’t know. He wanted to know if we all could go get drinks?”

Remus Lupin, Sirius sighed just thinking about him. They had met back in boarding school. Remus was there through scholarship, and at first was hesitant to be mates with James and Sirius who were as posh as they came. But they fell into an easy friendship. Sirius realized when he was 15 that he was madly in love with Remus. Sadly, at the point, he was also going through an immense amount of shite with his parents, and instead of telling Remus he loved him, he nearly got him expelled thanks to a stupid prank. But Remus got over it after few months, and Sirius just carried on pretending he didn’t love one of his best mates.

They all went to uni together but afterwards Remus began to work at a sort of indie news site that was beginning to grow in popularity online. Only after a few months, he started to travel the world to cover different events, catastrophes, and various injustices. Since he was one of their top journalist, Remus was always on the road and when he was back in London, he was either busy or exhausted. Needless to say, they had grown apart a bit.

James set the parcel on the desk, “Are you interested?”

“Sure.” Sirius nodded. He still loved Remus, even though it had been ages since he was a ridiculous teenager, but Sirius was sure that he’d mark the man as the ‘one that got away’.

“Great, did Reg send his gift early?” James pointed to the box. Regulus was in the states finishing up his last year of university. He was supposed to be back in time for the Holidays so Sirius wasn’t expecting any gifts ahead of time.

“I don’t know.” Sirius frowned as he looked at the box. The return label was from a company called Harry & David. “I don’t think so. Maybe it’s from someone we’ve worked with?”

“Hmm, yeah.” James shrugged a shoulder. “Open it, then.”

Sirius grabbed his scissors to slice open the package. He lifted the top to find 12 golden wrapped pears and nestled in the middle of a ceramic partridge. “What the fuck is this?”

“Partridge in a pear tree?” James said in an amused sing-song tone. “Have you been seeing someone new?”

“I’ve been seeing a few people. No one that would buy me this.” Sirius scoffed as he picked up a pear.

“Maybe someone fancies you more than a shag and you don’t know it.”

“Very doubtful. Are you having me on?”

“No way, mate. I wouldn’t spend money on some fancy pears for you.” James shook his head as Sirius stood up and picked up the box of pears.

“I’m going to put them in the kitchenette.”

“What if they’re poisoned?”

“Thanks for that.” Sirius began walking towards the kitchenette. “I don’t like pears.”

“Okay, well, someone likes you.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. There were a few blokes that he saw every so often but none of them were interested in anything more than a shag and a friendly relationship. He decided that he wasn’t going to worry about the stupid gift because it clearly had to be a joke. If it wasn’t James it was Peter, Regulus, Lily, or Andi. Someone was just giving him shite for either being single or being completely in love with the holidays. They were always on him about how he was never going to settle down.

Whatever the reason he got the pears was, it wasn’t anything that he needed to concern himself with. He was more concerned with seeing Remus for the first time in about a year and a half. They had barely talked over that time, just the occasional reply on Facebook and mutual likes on Instagram. They never really called each other on the phone or even sent a text. He knew that James and Remus and Peter and Remus and Lily and Remus all talked to each other every so often. Marlene, Mary, and Dorcas all got texts regularly. Sirius never did. But he couldn’t complain because he never reached out to Remus either. He had concluded that that was what their adult friendship was, just a nice acquaintance, sadly.

Once Sirius was done with work he met James in the lobby and they made their way to the pub down the way. Remus, Lily, Mary, and Peter were already there with pints in front of them. One for James and Sirius as well.

“Remus Lupin, a sight for sore eyes. I can’t believe it’s been so long. James said, nearly crawling over Lily in the horseshoe shaped booth to give Remus a hug. Lily just shook her head at the fact that her husband wasn’t interested in giving her a hug. “How have travels been?”

“Ah, busy, fine.” Remus smiled. He was tan and he looked tried, probably the jet lag. “Hi Padfoot.” Remus greeted him with a smile, using his old nickname.

“Moony.” Sirius smiled back at him, feeling that familiar fluttering in his gut when he saw Remus for the first time in a while. He wished so much that he could get over the man. It had been ages. Maybe it was just the fact that he never told him? Sirius couldn’t figure out how to say anything like that to him. It also seemed fairly clear Remus didn’t care enough to reach out to while he was away, so spilling the fact that he had been crushing on him for so long probably wouldn’t be the best. “How was… well everywhere?” Remus had been working on a long term project on the rise of nationalism around the globe.

“Um, it was interesting. I don’t know, I saw a lot of not great things but I met some great people who were trying to stop shite from happening. It’s good to be back in London, though. I think I’ll be staying here for a while, so you all will be sick of me soon enough.” Remus said before taking a sip of his drink.

“We can never be sick of you, mate.” Peter tilted his glass towards the man.

The table began chatting about their lives, catching Remus up on everything. Mary and Peter finally moved out of the mildewy flat they had been in for two years to a decent studio. Lily and James were trying to get pregnant. Marlene and Dorcas were engaged and busy planning the wedding of the century — bigger than Wills and Kate’s they kept saying. “And what about you, Sirius?”

“Just the same old same old.” Sirius came to the conclusion that he was at the point in his life where nearly everyone was getting married, having babies, or making some big life choices that he was going to be forever single. He couldn’t remember his last big life event after starting to work for Monty. He hadn’t even taken a good holiday in years.

“Sirius has a secret admirer. At least I think, we’ll see if he gets anything tomorrow.” James informed the group eagerly.

“Huh?” Lily furrowed her brow. “Why tomorrow?”

“I got these posh pears with a partridge.” Sirius explained.

“And it’s twelve days before Christmas.” James pointed out. “It’s totally your true love.”

“I’m convinced one of your or someone I know is just giving me shite for one reason or another.”

“The twelve days of Christmas usually start the day of Christmas.” Remus said, because Remus always knew those little details. Back in school Sirius used to be on him all the time for having his nose in a book. It’s not as if he was boring. He was known to have plenty of fun and get up to plenty of mischief but he was still ridiculously smart and well read. Sirius always thought the mix of those qualities were attractive.

“So his secret admirer is dumb? Which bloke you’re shagging is the dumbest?” Marlene asked with a laugh.

“Lockhart.” Lily took a sip of her cider.

“Why would you say that it’s one of us giving you shite?” Mary asked.

“Yeah, Sirius, I don’t think anyone has time to care that much to send you those golden wrapped pears.” James assured him.

“Why don’t you think it’s one of your many dalliances falling madly in love with you?” Remus questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Bugger off, it’s not. And what the fuck do you mean by many dalliances?”

“Your recent sexual partners. I’m sure there are a lot unless you’ve changed your ways since I’ve last seen you.”

Sirius just shook his head, sending Remus a glare.

“He’s convinced that he’s closed off enough that there’s no way anyone could possibly love him.” Peter explained to Remus.

“I’m feeling very analyzed right now.” Sirius took a long pull of his beer. What Peter said was 100% true. He didn’t want to fall for anyone and he didn’t want anyone to fall for him. He had his heart broken enough by his own family, it wasn’t exactly easy for him to get into relationships. It was part of the reason why he never told Remus. Relationships were scary and foreign to him. He was lucky enough to be able to friends with him.

“We can change the topic.” Remus offered.

“That’s a brilliant idea, Moony.” Sirius relaxed. There was no more talk the rest of the night about the bloody pears.

***

The next morning, Sirius walked into his office to find two crocheted turtle doves sitting on his desk. They were adorable but Sirius couldn’t help let out a long sigh. He had spent a wonderful night and morning not even thinking about the fact there might be another gift waiting for him at work.

“Good morning, Sirius.” Nymphadora, his cousin and current intern said behind him, making him jump. She was spending some time at their office on her free days from uni in her first year.

“Christ, Nym. How are you so quiet at one point then the loudest person at another?”

She laughed, “The better question is why are you so jumpy?” Nym asked as Sirius took a seat, picking up the two birds, who’s beaks were met at a little heart. “Has anyone been in? Is James here yet?”

“Nope, just you, Gideon, the bloke who works in the mail room, and me so far.” She said. Sirius wondered if it could be one of the blokes he was shagging or had shagged. He and Gideon hooked up regularly but he was now monogamously dating some bloke who worked in an office in the building. Maybe things changed? “This are so cute, they look hand made”

“Yeah…” He set it down. “Has anyone been in here?”

“I don’t think so but I haven’t been in long.” She took a seat at the chair across from his desk. “Are those love birds?”

“Turtle doves.” Sirius huffed a breath.

“Like the on the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me…”

“Yes, exactly like that.”

“So, you’re someone’s true love, that’s exciting.”

“No, it’s not. It’s almost stalker-ish. It might be exciting if I were dating whoever this person was.”

Nymphadora frowned and leaned forward. “Well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually. It should also end in 12 days, right?”

“Almost two weeks of this?”

“They’re just gifts.” She shrugged one shoulder.

“Right, can you make copies of these. I need to go talk to Gideon.” Sirius handed his cousin the folder he had on his desk. He needed to at least ask Gideon, just to make sure. He had a feeling it was probably going to make him look mad or still interested in him, but Sirius just needed to set his mind at ease that it wasn’t Gid.

“Hey, Sirius.” Gideon smiled as Sirius stopped at his work area. “What’s going on? You look like you’re on a mission.”

“Ah, a bit.” Sirius glanced around, making sure no one with close enough to hear. “You haven’t sent me anything yesterday or today have you?”

“What?” Gideon asked with a very confused look on his face. He wasn’t a very good liar so Sirius let out of breath. At least it wasn’t him.

“It’s nothing. I don’t want to sound like a crazy person accusing you. It’s just there was no one else in the office…”

“Right.” Gideon frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything fine. I’m just getting these gifts with no name on it.”

“Stalker?”

“Glad that I’m not the only one to draw that conclusion.”

“Well, it’s not me. I can’t believe you thought it was me.” He said jokingly.

“It’s just Nym said you were one of the only few here. I’m guessing someone dropped it off last night.”

“Weird. What is it?”

“Don’t go telling everyone, please. Not that James won’t hesitate to bring it up to everyone if asked. But I got pears and a partridge yesterday and today on my desk when I walked in there were stuffed animals of two turtle doves.”

Gideon laughed loudly. “Shut up, you’re lying.”

“No, I’m not lying.”

“That’s either really tacky or really romantic, isn’t it? I guess it depends on who it’s from.”

“There’s no one I would think that this was romantic from.”

“I’m sure there’s someone.”

“Anyone who would do it, I’m either not interested in or someone is having me on. There’s no way that this can be romantic.”

“Right, well, I’ll keep an eye out for gift bearing weirdos for you.” Gid snickered.

“Thanks, I think.”

Sirius left Gideon alone and went back to his office where the stuffed birds were still on his desk. He wished that there was someone he could love where this would be adorable for him. He always told himself he was fine with being forever single, but he really did want to be able to have the deep connection with someone else. Maybe one day things would be different for him and there would be that special someone he could see himself finally being vulnerable with, but there wasn’t anyone now. Certainly not anyone who would send him these these gifts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three french hens and four calling birds.

As blissful as a Saturday morning should have been, Sirius was having a rough one. Yes, it was sunny out, and London was filled with that holiday spirit, but Sirius was not feeling it just yet. He was hungover and exhausted as he made his walk of shame back to his flat from Kingsley’s. All he wanted was a shower and a nap. He was getting too old to go out to clubs, Sirius decided as he pressed the up button on the elevator to his flat. He would have still been asleep but Kingsley had to go to work since he was a manager at a high-end boutique, he didn’t always get his weekends off.

The last thing Sirius was thinking about this morning was the Twelve Days of Christmas, so when he got to his flat, and a package was resting against the door he let out a groan. He was hoping they would end up at his office but apparently, this mystery person knew where he lived. Sirius hoped it was someone he trusted because otherwise, he had a problem on his hands. Who decided it was a good idea to show their apparent love through creepily leaving secret gifts around? It made more sense that it was one of his arsehole friends that were doing this to him. He had asked Kingsley about it and the man looked at Sirius like he was mad.

He opened his door and kicked the package inside, not caring about the contents for the moment. Instead of going for the gift, he went straight for a shower. The hot water made him feel a bit better and then the following nap nearly erased the hangover.

When he woke up, it was almost noon and his brain had caught up with him finally. Sirius checked the messages on his phone. One was James telling him to come to lunch at the Potter’s on Sunday. Not that he’d miss it, he always went to the Potter’s on Sundays. Another message was from Remus asking him if he were interested in doing something that day. He was surprised to see it because even when Remus had been in town before these years since uni, he never reached out to Sirius to spend one on one time with him often.

 **To James:** _I’ll be there. As always._

 **To Remus:** _What do you want to do?_

Sirius took his phone with him as he went back out into his living room to find the box that he had kicked in a few hours earlier. If he truly didn’t care about it, Sirius would have just thrown the box away. He was far too curious. Hopefully whoever was sending them this little gifts, wasn’t someone scary as he was thinking before because Sirius enjoyed it deep down. He just wouldn’t admit it to himself or anyone else around him. Just as he was sitting on his sofa with the parcel, his phone buzzed with a text.

 **From Remus:** _How about the V &A?_

After reading the text from Remus, Sirius grinned to himself. He loved going to museums with Remus it was it was their thing. None of their other mates were interested in wandering around a museum all afternoon. But Sirius liked the quiet, and the art as well. They had the perfect quiet companionship in times like that. Whenever Sirius was having a hard time of it at school, Remus would pressure him to sneaking into the city to go to a museum. They would just walk next to one other and every so often Remus would make a rude comment about a painting or something.

 **To Remus:** _Absolutely. When do you want to meet?_

 **From Remus:** _How’s an hour?_

 **To Remus:** _I can do that._

 **From Remus:** _Brillant! See you soon._

Once he set his phone aside, he went back to the package with a lingering smile. In the box was a pack of Christmas cards with three hens with berets and striped shirts on, a French cookbook, and a box of French macaroons. Sirius laughed as he looked at the content. He was always on about learning how to cook well. His absolute favorite pastry was French macaroons. He also loved stupid things and hens dressed up as a French stereotype was so stupidly funny to him. For the first time with these gifts, he felt like the person actually knew him and cared about the gifts. The first two were just so spot on to the song, that they weren’t personal. But now they were.

Thinking about the gifts, he got himself together and made his way over to the Victoria and Albert Museum. Remus was already there, standing in front of the steps waiting for him, just watching the tourists wandering around. “James said you went out last night. I’m surprised you’re here.”

“If you asked me any earlier, I probably would have said no but I had a nice nap,” Sirius answered as they made their way up the steps. “Did you have dinner with the Potters last night?”

“Yes, Effie and Monty wouldn’t let me do anything else until I visited, I’m sure. They’re almost worse than my parents.” Remus chuckled. “Have you seen the Christmas sound tree yet?”

“Here? No, I didn’t even know they had one.”

“It’s an audio-visual thing. It’s interactive and it sings the words or something that are put in.” Remus informed him. “It’s just in the Grand Entrance. I thought you’d have seen it already. You and your love of all things Christmas.”

“I’ve must have missed this one,” Sirius said cheerily. “But we’re going to see it now.” Sirius opened the door for Remus to go in front of him.

Inside, Remus lead Sirius straight to the tree, which was displayed on a large screen in the entrance. There were hundreds of words that made up the tree and there was a carol being sung. Sirius closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting the sounds of the tree float around him. “This is interesting,” Remus spoke in a tone that was very thoughtful.

“You’re thinking about how it’s interesting technology. Enjoy the meaning of it for a minute.” Sirius said, standing there with his eyes still closed. After a few moments he opened his eyes. He found Remus looking at him fondly. He felt that flutter in his stomach again. “What?”

“Nothing,” Remus shrugged. “Come on, let’s go take a look around. We’ll visit again before we leave.” He reached out and grabbed Sirius’ hand to pull him along.

Sirius looked down at their hands as Remus led him towards a gallery. They always did these simple touches when they were in school. But it had been so long since they had done that. Wasn’t that a juvenile thing? Or maybe Remus just really missed him. Before he could put much more thought into, Remus dropped Sirius' hand.

They made their way through the galleries, barely speaking until they came upon a painting full of birds. “Hmm, like the twelve days Christmas?” Remus said with a laugh. “How’s that going for you? Are the gifts still coming?”

“Yes.”

“Figured it out yet?” Remus questioned.

“No. But the gifts today were thoughtful. Sort of sweet.”

“Coming around to the idea?”

“Maybe a little,” Sirius said. “It’s weird though, isn’t it? Having these gifts sent by an anonymous person?”

“I’d say just enjoy it.”

“What if I build up some false hope?”

“False how? What do you mean?”

Sirius rubbed his neck, still staring at the painting. “What if I romanticize it and it is just someone playing a joke? What if I don't like this person?” He asked honestly because that was his biggest fear, wasn’t it? He would finally let himself be vulnerable, just to have his heart broken.

“None of our friends would be that cruel.” Remus shook his head. “Maybe you should just let yourself fall for once. Let the Christmas spirit do its magic.”

“Would you? If you were getting these gifts?”

“I don’t know what I’d do but I think I know you well enough to say it’s time to let yourself fall in love.”

“You do?” Sirius bit his lip after asking. He didn’t mean to sound like an arsehole.

“I guess we haven’t been as close recently.”

“We haven’t.” Sirius shook his head.

“Well, I think we should try again. Sometimes friends fall out of touch, right?” Remus said as they started to walk again.

“Yes.” It scared Sirius because he wasn’t sure if he could face the possibility of being madly in love with his friend again. Because was why he didn’t mind putting that distance between them, wasn’t it? It was too much being friends with the man that he loved.

“Let’s do a better job of it this time.” Remus said. "And maybe let yourself fall here, a little. I'll catch you if you need."

Sirius bit his lip and nodded, not knowing what to say. Maybe Remus was right about letting the Christmas spirit work its magic. Some magic so that he wouldn’t be completely gutted after these twelve days came to an end. Some magic leading to him to get over Remus or just finally be bold enough to tell him that he’d loved him all along. Who knows, things could work out for him if he just tried to let go for once.

“Let’s go put something on the tree. You can do true, and I can do love.” Remus snickered.

Sirius rolled his eyes and followed after his friend.

***

“I’m on my way. I promise,” Sirius said, rushing out of his flat. He nearly tripped over the package in front of his door. Clearly his true love did not know that he was constantly running out of his flat in a hurry.

“You’re just leaving now. I’ll let mum know you’ll be late.” James said, sounding a bit exasperated.

“Sorry! I overslept.” Sirius complained, scooping up the parcel. “I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“Okay.”

Sirius tucked the oddly shaped thin square parcel under his arm before he made his way to his car which was parked in the garage less than a block from his flat. He practically ran there, trying to get to the Potter’s house as soon as possible. Sirius even ignored the curiosity the entire drive to the Potter home thirty minutes outside of the city. He looked over at the gift a few times as he drove but he didn’t fancy killing himself as he drove. When he parked in the Potter’s drive, he took a few minutes to open the gift.

Beneath the brown wrapping was four albums: Blue by Joni Mitchell, I Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You by Aretha Franklin, No Secrets by Carly Simon, and At Last by Etta James. Sirius laughed out loud to himself. Four calling birds, right. Whoever sent the gifts knew his love for music, it seemed, and his interest in collecting vinyl. Again, either this person was some stalker who knew everything about his life or it was someone that actually cared about him. If his friends were playing a mean joke, they would have sent something funny. Remus was right, none of his mates were cruel.

Sirius headed towards the door to be greeted by Effie. “Must you always be late?”

“I’m sorry.” He pouted a little.

“Don’t give me the puppy dog eyes. I know you too well Sirius Black.” She scolded as they went in the direction of the kitchen. “Lunch isn’t even ready yet because I know that you can’t help yourself with being late most of the time. Especially on weekends.”

“Sirius, late, no that never happens.” He heard Remus’ voice as they walked past the living room. He stopped short and looked in to see Remus with Lily.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were going to be here,” Sirius said, going into the room.

“Yeah, last minute but I’m still here before you.”

Sirius decided to ignore the comment as he sat on the sofa next to him.

“So, have you got your fourth gift?” Lily asked from the armchair that she was relaxing in.

“I have. I got four albums by women. Get it, birds calling.”

“Clever,” Lily said with a snicker. “You see a little more relaxed about this now.”

“I’m trying to be.” He said. “I’m trying to take Remus’ advice just to let myself fall. Or at least let myself be okay with getting these gifts and letting Christmas work some magic.”

“How very mature of you, I think. Maybe you’ll find love at the end of it all.” Lily grinned.

“That’s probably a bit horrifying for Sirius.” Remus turned to him a little. “Think you could?”

“I don’t know.” Sirius frowned and leaned back against the sofa.

“Aren’t you dying to find out who it is?” Lily questioned him. “I’d be dying.”

It was actually driving Sirius completely barmy. It wasn’t Gideon, Kingsley, and it was beginning to seem less and less likely that it was his friends or family. There was still Gilderoy and Benjy in terms of recent blokes he’d gone out with. Gilderoy didn’t care about anything other than his hair. Benjy was sweet but Sirius just didn’t think it was him because they haven't been in touch much. Maybe it was someone that he had a past with that wasn’t so recent. “I am dying to know.”

“You should wait and see.” Remus encouraged. “Isn’t there some fun in it?”

“Remus is right. Maybe not knowing is worth it.” Lily said

“I know. But if I hate this person or I get hurt, I’m blaming you all.”

“I have a feeling it’s going to end up okay,” Lily said as James came into the room.

“Mum told me if you don’t come eat now, Dad is going to finish it all off without us.”

“I missed the Potters.” Remus smiled, standing up. He reached a hand out to Sirius. Sirius hesitated for a second then grabbed Remus’ hand and let himself be pulled to his feet.

Lily looked between the two with a curious look but quickly turned her attention to James. “Sirius got his new gift.”

“Oh! Tell me, did you get real birds yet? I’m dying for you to get real birds?”

Sirius realized if James were behind it, then he would have definitely been getting real birds every single day even on days that didn’t involve birds. “No, I didn’t get real birds. I got a few albums. I can’t wait to go home and listen to them.” He answered after Remus dropped his hand. Sirius tried not to look sad at the loss of contact.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five golden rings, six geese a laying, and seven swans a swimming.

As much as Sirius loved his job, and as much good as he was helping the charity do for the world, he was counting the days until Christmas for some time off. Monty closed the charity the whole time between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Day. Sirius couldn’t wait to spend some time at home alone or in the company of his friends or doing some Christmas activities like ice skating. When he thought of ice skating he thought of going with Remus and falling into his arms by ‘accident’. And kissing him. And confessing all those ridiculous feelings he had been carrying with him for about a decade.

He had spent so much time with Remus over the last few days all of his old, suppressed feelings were bubbling right to the top. It wasn’t helping the Remus was being so sweet and constantly touching him and just being Remus. It was so nice that Sirius kept having to remind himself that that’s how they were back in boarding school and for most of uni. It was just how Remus showed he cared for him. Sirius didn’t want to fall into that unrequited love again if he couldn’t bring himself to tell Remus how much he loved him. Not that he could really stop himself, either, because nothing he told himself calmed his feelings.

Someone did love him back it seemed. He just wasn’t sure who that someone was. He hadn’t found a gift when he opened his door in the morning, which was a bit sad. Since deciding on letting the Christmas spirit do the job, he was feeling a bit more a peace. There also wasn’t a gift waiting for him on his desk when he got to the office. He spent much of his morning wondering what he could possibly receive for five golden rings. He hoped that it wasn’t five tacky golden rings because he wasn’t much into jewelry. Hopefully this person knew that about him.

After lunch, the mail arrived and there was a mid-sized box for him. The return address was to Lush, nothing in the box mentioned who it was from. Inside he found a bubble bar called ‘five golden rings’ that were called and looked like five golden rings to put in his bath. There were also a two bath bombs, lotion, and a massage bar. Sirius smiled at his gifts, again the person really must have known him fairly well to know that he liked those things.

“What’d you get?” James said, poking his head into Sirius’ office. “Anything good?”

“Some stuff from Lush.”

“Oh, nice.” James did a funny thing with his eyebrows like he was trying to be suggestive. “I’m sure they can’t wait to use them with you.”

“I’m sure.” Sirius scoffed, picking up the five golden rings. “Who do you reckon this person is?”

“Have you asked Benjy? He’s a bit of a sweet heart, isn’t he? He would totally do something like this.”

“Ben’s been busy lately.” Sirius had thought maybe it was just a lie because he was afraid to give away his secret. Benjy had a reason every time Sirius reached out to go out with him over the last week. It could all be a coincidence.

“Could be him then.” James said. “I’m getting back to work. Let me know if you figure this out anytime soon.”

It was nearly time for Sirius to wrap up his day when his brother’s name showed up on his phone. “Hi Regulus, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to tell you I’m getting into Heathrow at 3pm on the 22nd. Just in time for the Potter’s party.”

“That’s nice.” Sirius scoffed.

“Bastard, you better be there to pick me up.”

“I will be. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t leave you to get a cab or heaven forbid public transportation.” Sirius faked being horrified. Regulus wasn’t anything like that but he did love to poke fun.

“Fuck off.” Regulus laughed. “So, what’s going on? You sounded down when you answered the phone.”

Sirius stood up and closed the door of his office, not wanting anyone to hear the conversation. Regulus was the only person on earth to know about his feelings for Remus. He had never even told James Potter, his best mate about it. One day, before he was kicked out of his house at 17, Sirius declared that he was gay and in love with Remus to the house. When Reg got a bit older, and they got back in touch, Sirius told him that that love wasn’t quite mutual. “I’m just spending a lot of time with Remus again.”

“Oh no. Sirius, can you just get over it and tell him already? It’s been ten bloody years.” Regulus made an exhausted sort of noise. Sirius couldn’t blame him because it was exhausting. “How are you not just dying to tell him how in love with him you are?”

“I don’t know. I am dying but I’m also terrified.”

“Mum and Dad fucked you up.” Regulus let out a long sigh. “Serious, long term relationships aren’t that horrifying. I think you’ve just built up it up in your head too much that it’s this scary thing.”

“I just don’t want to get hurt.”

“It’s a risk you need to take if you want to be in a relationship, especially with Remus. What are you going to do when your true love finishes sending you gifts and comes out of the shadows? Are you going to turn them down or are you going to give it a go?” Sirius had told his brother about the whole thing and after laughing about it for too long, eventually came to the conclusion that it was romantic and Sirius should be excited to find out who the person was sending him these things.

“Well, depends who it is.”

“What if it’s Remus?”

“It’s not going to be Remus.” Sirius rolled his eyes at his brother. Remus was the last person who would do this. For one, he wasn’t sentimental and thought grand gestures of love were over the top and daft. For another, Remus wouldn’t go through all the trouble, it wasn’t his personality. It was Sirius’ personality to do something like this but definitely not his friend’s.

“But what if it was? Or what if it was Benjy, do you like him well enough?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“You’ve just about six more days to figure that out.”

That made Sirius feel a bit anxious. He had just been able to relax about the whole thing, now not so much. What was he going to do? What if he really did like the person who was sending him these things? He could just finally give love a try. He’d be so alone and closed off for so long in his life. It was a wonder that he even had friends to him at times.

***

The next day, Sirius was very disappointed when he didn’t receive a gift all day at the office. He was beginning to worry that he was going to get some actual geese or some real eggs when he arrived home. When he did get home Remus was waiting for him. There was a package by his feet in front of the door. They were going out to dinner with Frank and Alice, who Sirius hadn’t seen in some time. They were busy living in the country and raising a baby. They were in town to see Frank’s mum who was in hospital in the city, so Remus thought it’d be nice to take them out to eat and he asked Sirius if he’d like to join as he was fairly good mates when them back at Hogwarts.

“Looks like your secret admirer is at it again. Are you ready to go get dinner?” Remus bent down to pick up the package. It was a bit bigger than the ones he had been getting so far.

“Yeah, let me just get out of this suit.” Things weren’t normally so formal at the office but when he was trying to impress big investors, he had to look nice. He unlocked the door and let Remus in. “You can just put it on the table.”

“Aren’t you going to open it? Or is it a personal thing? I can leave you alone.” Remus teased as Sirius stopped in his tracks before going towards his room to change. For some reason he thought it would be odd to open the gift in front of Remus.

“You’re just as interested in this as everyone else, aren’t you?”

“Apparently so.” Remus said, sitting down at the dinning room table, where he had dropped the package. “Plus it seems really light for a decent sized package. I just want to know what it is.”

Sirius tore open the wrapping to find a navy goose down throw. The outside of the throw was a soft fleece that Sirius just wanted to wrap himself up in immediately. “Whoever is doing this knows that I love to relax and be comfortable. I got some bath stuff yesterday and now this. I can’t wait to put it to good use.”

“I’m sure that the person would like to join you.” Remus said with a cheeky grin.

“I’m sure they would but until I know who it is, I’ll be using them all by my lonesome.” Sirius said, feeling himself blush. He didn’t mean for it to sound like he was going to be enjoying it in any other way than sleeping or taking a bath but that was what suddenly came to his mind. “Did you see anyone when you came up?” He decided that changing the topic would take care of it.

“No. Still don’t have any leads?”

Sirius shook his head. The other night he had went through his social media to see if there were people who liked all of his posts or who stood out to him as a person who might fancy him. There were a couple, but there was also no way to know if it were them or not. Benjy was still the front runner in his mind It was certainly wasn’t Gilderoy because he would manage to make present giving all about him the narcissistic motherfucker that he was.

“You’d be a shite investigative journalist.” Remus teased him.

“You told me to let things happen.”

“Yeah, I told you that but I also know you. I’m sure you’re actively trying to figure it out, even if you’re telling everyone else that you’re just going with it. You’re not as laid back as you would like yourself to be.” Remus said. “I remember in school, you acted like you were too cool for school but you also spent a stupid amount of time in the library for someone who didn’t care about their grades.”

Sirius didn’t reply, he just picked up the throw and went towards his room. He heard Remus mutter something about Sirius being a twat under his breath. He was right of course. Sirius had crafted a careful exterior of wanting to look like someone who didn’t give a shite about anything in the world aside from having fun. That was the biggest lie, of course. Sirius cared about his grades, he ended up top of his class right behind Remus and Lily and some Ravenclaw. He studied right along side Remus in the library late into the night. He worked hard at uni when he wasn’t out partying. His life style ended up in him not getting much sleep but he was still successful. He could have worked anywhere coming out of uni but he loved Monty’s charity and the idea of working for a friend was everything that he wanted.

Once he was changed into jeans and a thermal shirt, he went back out into the dining room to find Remus on his phone smiling. “What are you so happy about?”

“Nothing, just ordering something for Christmas.”

“So, do you have a special someone in your life Mister Lupin?” Sirius asked out of pure curiosity as he pulled on his peacoat.

“No.”

“Really, you’ve met no one in your travels who you fancy?”

“No, no one in my travels.” Remus watched Sirius pull on his gloves.

“Someone in London?” Sirius questioned, trying not to sound too jealous.

“Ah, yeah, someone in London actually?”

“How’s that going?” Sirius grabbed his keys before opening the door.

“At the moment it’s… it’s slowly going.” Remus said as he followed Sirius out of his flat. “I’m hoping to make some headway with him by Christmas.”

“Oh that is … great. What’s his name?” He sincerely hoped that he didn’t sound as disappointed as he felt.

“Why? So you can look him up on Facebook? No, I remember what you and James did in school when I told you I fancied that Hufflepuff. I told myself I’d never let you all know about my crushes or partners until things were a little more solid. You’re worse than my parents.” Remus looped his arm through Sirius’ elbow.

“We’re not. Tell me about this bloke then.” Sirius said as they bumped shoulders.

“He’s funny but not in an obvious way.”

“What does that even mean?”

Remus shrugged. “He’s bloody hot. He’s the sweetest when you least expect it. He’s surprisingly smart too. So smart.”

“Is he surprisingly smart because he’s hot or, what?”

“He just doesn’t seem like a person who’s super smart at first, that’s all. I’m sure you know what I mean.”

“Oi!” Sirius elbowed him and Remus moved away from him. “What does that mean?”

“A few minutes ago we were just talking about how you always pretended to not care about being smart…”

“Oh, is he like that?”

“You’ll find out. Hopefully.” Remus pressed the button for the elevator.

Sirius really didn’t want to find out but maybe he’d be falling for someone then himself. Maybe if Sirius was happily with someone, he could be happy for Remus and this mystery person.

***

“On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me 7 swans a swimming…” James sang as he came into Sirius’ office carrying a prettily wrapped parcel. Sirius was feeling down since his conversation with Remus the night before about how the other man was trying to get with somebody. Somebody who was not Sirius. All his hope sort of went out the window. He was trying to be positive because he did have a secret admirer. Who was most likely Benjy because the man was still avoiding him. He was probably worried about giving himself away because Sirius had a feeling that he could not lie very well because he had such an honest face.

“I wonder what I could possibly get now. I honestly don’t see anything I could want that would be connected to swans.” Sirius laughed. The past four gifts were right up his alley, things that he would actually use or want. But how could anyone make swans something interesting? Honestly, he was curious how this person (Benjy) was going to make most of the gifts something he liked.

“Let’s see it!” James sat across from Sirius’ desk after putting the parcel down.

“Did someone deliver this? It doesn’t look wrapped to come in the proper mail.” Sirius said, regarding the silver, glittery paper.

“Some private delivery service. You know, you could call and ask the people delivering the gifts or the companies who send them to find out who is doing it.”

“I know.” He had thought about it a few times but for some reason he was sure that he’d be disappointed. Even if he did not mind the attention from the person giving it to him, he felt a little invested into this game now. It was like he’d cheat himself if he went looking for who it was that way. Plus, what’s the difference with being disappointed now compared to later? “I’m just going to keep going with it. It hasn’t got weird yet.” He shrugged, opening up a side of the paper to begin to carefully unwrap the box. He figured if it did get weird then he would have to track down the person sending him the gifts.

In the box was seven delicate handcrafted origami swan ornaments. There was also a note that was typed on the stationary for the company that had sent the box: For your tree. I’m not sure if you actually need anymore ornaments but I thought these were beautiful. Sirius ran his finger over the glass. They would be wonderful on his tree, catching the light just right. “These have to be expensive.”

“Benjy’s got money.” James said.

“He does. He’s also seen my tree.” Sirius agreed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eight maids a milking and nine ladies dancing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, finals week is always a killer of motivation to anything other than studying. Almost done though. I might not be done by Christmas day but this story does go to Boxing Day so that's fine. Also, I apologize for any typos because on top of finals week I have a lovely cold.

“It’s going to be eight maids a milking today, right?” Remus asked, handing Sirius a cup of coffee. He had stopped by the office before heading over to his over place of work bearing coffee and baked goods.

“Yes. I’m a little nervous.” Sirius said. “But I think I’ve been a little nervous before every single one of them. One day there’s going to be a real animal involved, I can just feel it. Or real people, you know?”

“Mmm, how’s it going otherwise? Are you still scared — not of the animal but of the person and relationship that might come after it all?”

“I have an odd mix of feelings on it. I want to be excited, but we only have five more days before I find out who it is.”

“You think it’s Benjy, though, right?”

“I’m hoping.”

“You’re hoping, hmm?” Remus raised an eyebrow, taking a seat in the chair across from Sirius’ desk.

Sirius shrugged, “Out of anyone it could be, think I would want it to be him. If it were Gilderoy, I’d certainly turn him down in a heartbeat. He’s twat.”

“Why do you go out with him then?” Remus laughed before taking a sip of his coffee.

“He’s a great shag.”

Remus rolled his eyes.

“Come on now, haven’t you had a sexual relationship with someone you didn’t really like as a person?”

“No.” Remus shook his head. “I haven’t. I’m not judging you for the sex. I’m just judging who Gilderoy is as a person. All I’ve heard about him is that he’s a vain twat and everyone hates him.”

“Yeah, well, I haven’t seen him in ages, so it’s not like it matters. How’s this mystery person you’re hoping to get by Christmas?” Sirius hoped the more he talked about it positively, the more he’d be able to accept the fact that Remus was going to have a new boyfriend.

“He’s seemingly unbothered by my attempts,” Remus said with a little smile.

“Why does that make you happy?” Sirius frowned. If he kept trying to get Remus’ attention and nothing came about it, he would have gone mad by now. What sort of idiot was Remus after?

“It’s sort of adorable. How daft he is to the whole showing of affection.” He chuckled.

“I’m glad you have a good sense of humor.”

“Yes, I am too. If I didn’t I’d surely would have gone completely mad by now.” Remus took a sip of his coffee. “But he’ll know by Christmas one way or another because I’m just going to come out with it.”

“As you should.” Sirius nodded. He wished desperately that he could just come out with it to Remus but he knew that that was not going to happen anytime soon. Even though he just wanted to shout it out. He doubted he was ever going to have enough courage to tell the other man his real feelings. “I don’t get why you can’t just do it now?”

“Because I want to give him a chance to come around to the idea of us together.”

Sirius couldn’t understand why anyone would need time to come around to the idea of being with Remus Lupin. “Well, I guess that’s nice.”

“I should get going. Have a good day. I’ll see you tomorrow at the Potter’s party?”

“Absolutely.”

Sirius watched Remus leave his office, and he could feel as soon as the other man left that he sort of deflated. What on earth was he going to do when this man who undoubtedly fancied Remus, because who wouldn’t, finally came around when they started to date? Sirius always put some distance between he and Remus whenever the other man dated someone. Thankfully Remus wasn’t much of a dater so he didn’t have many relationships and the ones he did have didn’t last too long. But Remus seemed to love this bloke quite a bit.

“You’re looking glum,” Nymphadora said as she came into his office a few minutes after Remus left. She was carrying a rather large package. “Don’t be sad, what I’m assuming is your 8th-day gift is here.” She said as she set it down on the desk in front of Sirius.

“What on earth could he have got me for eight maids a milking?” Sirius questioned as he began to open the plain brown paper wrapped around the box.

“Well, we know it’s not eight milk maids.” She shrugged, watching Sirius open the box.

Inside the box was eight different types of cheese. Sirius loved fancy cheeses and these would last him for some time now. “Well, I’m going to have a nice snack.

"Why does this person give such great gifts? I thought they’d all be cheesy. I mean you can’t really do much with these perimeters, right? I guess I was wrong.”

“I mean a lot are reaching but I’m glad they’re reaching.”

“Are you excited? Only four more days until you find out.” Nym grinned.

“It has to be Benjy so it won’t be too surprising.”

Nym just shrugged.

“You don’t think it’s him?”

“You haven’t seen him in a long time. I don’t know.”

“That doesn’t mean a thing,” Sirius said. “I think he’s just afraid he’s going to give himself away.”

“Right.”

Sirius didn’t understand why his cousin didn’t think that it was Benjy sending him the gifts. It wasn’t as if she really knew him or anyone else that Sirius saw. Unless if Nym knew something he didn’t, which was doubtful because she didn’t know anyone outside of their family and family friends like the Pettigrews and the Potters.

***

The next day, Sirius’ gift from the mystery man (Benjy) showed up right before he left the office to go pick up his brother at Heathrow. He hurriedly opened the box while standing over his desk, and inside was nine movies that featured dancing. Most of them ore musicals like Chicago, Singing in the Rain, Moulin Rouge, RENT, and Grease. There was also Dirty Dancing, Center Stage, Billy Elliot, and obviously Magic Mike. Not all of them were ladies dancing, but they were in there somewhere Sirius was sure as he laughed to himself. He picked the box up and made his way to his car. He really didn’t feel like having a row with his brother as soon as he landed because he was late.

“Hello, brother dear.”

“Reg,” Sirius said after the man climbed into the car. “How was the flight?”

“It was a long-haul flight. How do you think it was? But I’m home now, so it’s fine. I think I want a nap before the party.”

“That’s nice.”

“I assume we’re heading right to the Potter’s?”

“Yes. Unless if you want me to cart you around elsewhere.” Sirius laughed as he started to drive.

“God no. Is Bill there yet?” Regulus asked with a grin.

“He won’t be in until the time of the party. Why would he be there early?”

“To see me.” Regulus smiled. He and Bill had an on and off relationship. On when Regulus was in the UK and off when Regulus was away. Sirius was sure they’d end up together once they were both done uni, but he was happy they were taking their time and doing their own thing. Sirius wondered if he would have been able to do that with Benjy or whoever this mystery gift giver was in their past. Probably not, but he wasn’t his brother.

“You’ll see him later.”

“With Remus.” Regulus raised an eyebrow. “How’s that going?”

“Nothing is going.” Sirius huffed a breath. “Why would anything be going? I’m just meant to pine for him the rest of my life because I don’t have a backbone.”

“At least you’re honest about it.”

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship, and I’m bloody terrified about fucking things up. We didn’t even speak for a year and a half. That’s a long time.”

Regulus just nodded.

“It’s fine. Maybe I’ll get over it when I start to actually date whoever is sending me the gifts. I’ll see that I don’t really want Remus.”

“Liar, but okay.”

Sirius knew he was lying to himself, but he needed to have some hope.

“What if the person sending the gifts if Remus?”

“We’ve had this conversation before,” Sirius complained, changing lanes. “It’s not Remus. We didn’t talk for ages, he’s anything but sentimental, and he would just tell me. He’s known me forever.”

“You’ve known him forever and you won’t tell him.”

Sirius snorted a laugh. "You always had a really fantastic imagination."

***

Later that night, Sirius was standing in the formal living room of the Potter estate. Everyone from the charity, people who the charity worked with, friends, and family were all around. Sirius wasn’t listening to what Marlene and Dorcas were saying about their wedding plans because Remus had just come in, looking rather nice. He had got a haircut since he had seen him the day before and he was wearing a beautiful purple jumper that complimented his eyes. “He’s lost,” Marlene said, poking him.

“What are you talking about?” Sirius snapped his attention back to his friends.

“Well, we stopped talking about the wedding and started talking about you staring at Lupin.”

“I was not staring.” Sirius whispered loudly to them. They just grinned as Remus came over next to them.

“My god, how do they keep meeting people?”

“You know the Potters.” Marlene said taking a sip of her eggnog. “Love, let’s go find Lily. I have a question for her.”

Sirius rolled her eyes as gulped his champagne.

“So, what did you get for gifts today? Did a bunch of women show up on your doorstep dancing?”

“No, if James were doing this I know there would have been. Just like I know there’d be birds all over my flat by now.” Sirius said, trying not to think about how the low light of the room made Remus’ brown eyes even more beautiful. Why was he so in love with this man after so long? Why couldn’t he just get over him? Obviously, this wasn’t normal or probably okay.

“What was it then?”

“Movies.”

“Ah, a marathon for you and the mystery man then? Spend some time under the throw you got after using those lush products. Eat some of the food you’ve received too. It sounds like you’re going to have a nice time after Christmas.”

Sirius felt himself blush, “Or I’ll be using it by myself. Depending on who the person is and if I can bring myself to date them.”

“Hmm, right,” Remus said as James joined them. “Mate, how does your family know so many people?”

“I don’t know. It’s ridiculous but it’s fun. What are you two chatting about? Anything interesting? I’m sure it’s more interesting than the lady who was just telling me about how she just saged her flat.”

“We were just talking about Sirius’ gifts as is the normal topic of conversations these last nine days.” Remus smiled.

“I can’t wait to see who this bloke is,” James said eagerly. “He must be something to do this. He’s either bloody mad or romantic. I’m not sure which one it is yet.”

Sirius made a noise of agreement before taking another sip of his drink when his brother appeared at his side.

“Remus, can I chat with you for a minute. Away from these two.”

“Why do you need to chat with Remus?” Sirius furrowed his brow.

“Because I need to ask him a question that doesn’t concern either of you.” Regulus said, standing up a little straighter.

“Okay…” Sirius said before Regulus grabbed Remus’ arm and pulled him out of ear shot across the room. “That’s weird. What is he up to?”

“I don’t know, maybe a gift question.”

“So he’s asking the man who I just got back into contact with and not you or any of my other mates?”

“You and Remus always had a deeper connection. He’s also the best gift giver out of all of us. He beats Lils, and she hates it.”

Sirius hummed as Regulus glanced over. He then gestured to Remus behind him, and they both left the room. “Strange.”

“I wouldn’t worry about.”

With that, Sirius took James advice because he knew that he wouldn’t get down to the bottom of it. Regulus was great at lying, and he didn’t want to start a row with his brother for the holidays. Instead, he took to mingling and drinking. Probably too much drinking but that was fine because it was a Christmas party and that’s what you did. By the time that he bumped into Remus again, he was happily buzzed, and it seemed like his friend was as well.

“I’m for a cigarette,” Remus said, patting at his trouser pocket.

“What a rubbish habit, Moony.”

“Oi, you used to be worse than I am.” He made a move to go towards the doors that led out to the garden from the living room.

Sirius didn’t like the idea of being in the house without Remus, so he choose to follow him outside. Unfortunately, it was so cold out. “God, this is why I quit. I couldn’t take standing in the cold any longer.”

“I like it,” Remus said, not staying right on the patio with the other smokers. Sirius knew he was going towards the stone benches behind the hedges. That’s where he always hid out when he was at the Potter’s.

“Of course you do.” Sirius spoke as Remus looped his arm through his.

“I’ll keep you warm.”

“Yeah right.” Sirius laughed as they practically skipped down the steps. He was surprised that he didn’t fall on his face because of how much he had to drink and it was dark. Remus seemed confident in his steps, so he felt safe that if he did fall he’d be caught.

Remus didn’t say a thing as they made their way to the bench and sat down. Sirius watched Remus light his cigarette. He almost said out loud that if they dated then, Sirius would ask him to quit because he just couldn’t stand the smell any longer when Remus spoke, “I’m quitting. It’s not a resolution or anything. I’ve wanted to quit and now I’m home for a while, a little settled, seems like a good time.”

“That’s brilliant.”

“I know you hate it. You were smart to stop in uni. It’s harder as time goes on.”

“Yeah. I’m sure.” Sirius kicked at the rocks beneath his feet.

“Remember the first time we snuck out here for a fag?”

“Yeah.” Sirius chuckled. They were sixteen and drunk over the summer. James and Peter had passed out and Sirius wanted to go outside so they ended up there. It was the first time he had kissed Remus. He had kissed Remus on five separate occasions in their lives. That night, the last night at Hogwarts, the summer after Hogwarts, and two times at uni. But Sirius just tried his best not to think of those kisses. They were mostly daft. All of those times had alcohol and a few had games that involved possible kissing. But they were still kisses. They were bloody good kisses.

“We were really good at that.”

“What?”

“Kissing.” Remus laughed.

“I bet we still are. Maybe even better,” Sirius said a bit daringly. It was no wonder why that alcohol was always involved in him snogging Remus Lupin. He wouldn’t have had any courage otherwise.

Remus flicked his barely smoked cigarette on to the ground and leaned close to Sirius, resting a hand on his shoulder. The butterflies in Sirius’ stomach were not fluttering away at a ridiculous rate as he moved impossibly closer to the other man. Remus closed the distance between their lips quickly. His lips were still warm even in the cold, if only a bit chapped. His mouth tasted like cigarettes and the wine that he had been drinking all night. Sirius just lost himself in the kiss and Remus’ embrace because that was all that he wanted. This was probably the last time that he’d have it.

Sadly the kiss couldn’t last forever because that’s not how life was. “Won’t be doing that again.” Sirius said, catching his breath.

“Right.” Remus cleared his throat. “I’m heading in. It is bloody cold out here. You know we’re going to be getting snow on Christmas day they say. Ah, see you later.”

Sirius frowned, not sure why he was now being weird. But he didn’t argue at the other man left him sitting there on the bench in the cold.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ten lords a leaping and eleven pipers piping.

Sirius woke up in his usual bed at the Potters, not feeling very well rested. He glanced at his cell phone to find no texts or phone calls. Nothing from Remus saying he was sorry for acting strange the night before after they snogged. When Sirius went back inside to the party, Remus was standing with Lily, Nym, and his brother looking a bit sad. Sirius wasn’t sure what went wrong. They kissed and that was it. It wasn’t even a life-altering kiss. It was a nice kiss but it wasn’t anything they hadn't done before. If it was life altering then maybe Remus would have decided that he fancied Sirius. But no, Remus was going to go off and date some other bloke while Sirius debated on dating Benjy. Life wasn’t anywhere close to being altered.

After a quick breakfast, Sirius headed back to his flat. He needed to finish wrapping gifts before going over to Andi’s for Christmas Eve the next day then straight to the Potter’s that same night. The whole while he thought about sending a text to Remus but he wasn’t sure what to say. ‘Sorry I kissed you last night,’ seemed sort of immature. Anything else seemed like he would have been trying too hard. Luckily his mind was taken off of his little dilemma by finding a card slipped under his door when he opened it. Inside was a typed note saying to enjoy the night along with two tickets to the Royal Ballet’s Nutcracker for that very night.

He sighed, setting the tickets and the card down on the table. Who the bloody hell was he supposed to invite on such a last minute? Or maybe that was the point. Invite the person who was sending him the gifts, and they’d be able to go on a date. Sirius picked up his phone and sent a text to Benjy asking him if he was busy tonight.

 **From Benjy:** _No, actually, why?_

 **To Benjy:** _Interested in coming to see the Nutcracker with me?_

**From Benjy:** _Sure, why not. What time?_

Sirius filled him in on the details. They decided that they would get dinner before the ballet. Sirius then went on with the rest of his day, feeling even more confident that it was Benjy who was sending him these gifts. Who was totally free the few days before Christmas? He knew that Benjy had a lot of family and they celebrated the holiday. He was also very busy with his job and no doubt would have waited until the day before Christmas Eve to do his shopping. It was rather curious that he was ready to go with Sirius tonight.

Once Sirius finished shopping, he went home to clean up and head out for his date. Sirius was surprised that he felt nervous as he got ready. He hadn’t been nervous for a date since his very first one back in his fifth year at Hogwarts. Sirius wanted to assume it was a good thing to be nervous. He wanted his worry not to be because he didn’t know if he could actually date Benjy and be happy but because it was natural to be nervous for a date. He also didn’t want it to be because he was nervous about wasting the nonexistent chance he had with Remus. But there was that little voice in the back of his head as always, wondering why he couldn’t just come out with it to the other man.

The restaurant that Sirius choose wasn’t too far from Covent Garden and Benjy was there waiting for him when he arrived. “Am I late?”

“No, you’re on time.” Benjy laughed, “Come on.”

They were sat quickly and while Benjy was mulling over wine choices, Sirius decided to ask some questions. “It’s been a while. What have you been up to?”

“Just busy with work and such. How’s Remus?”

Sirius furrowed his brow. “Ah, fine, why?”

“I mean, you were excited he was back in town last time I saw you. Have you two finally made it official?”

Sirius felt himself gaping at the other man. “Made it official…”

“I thought you fancied him. That’s what I gathered from our last conversation.” This wasn’t what Sirius was expecting from the night. Maybe Benjy was trying to throw him off. But why would he? They were basically at the finish line and this was a fairly romantic way to come out with it? Why get him out on a date then ask if he was seeing someone else?

“I — ah… no?”

Benjy raised an eyebrow. “Really, the way you always talk about him, I just thought—”

“Always talk about him?” Sirus interupted. He didn't always talk about Remus, did he?

“It was a lot for someone who is not dating the other person. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to assume. I feel like an arse.”

“No, you’re not an arse.” Sirius laughed loudly because it seemed like everyone always assumed that he and Remus were together. Benjy had never even met Remus. It was as if the world was playing some cruel joke on him. “So, ah, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Have you - er… This is going to be so weird if it’s not you so please don’t think I'm strange.”

“I won’t,” Benjy said before the waiter came over at just the right time. The man took their orders then went off. Sirius was happy that it was fast. “So, what is it that you want to ask me?”

Sirius itched behind his ear and cleared his throat nervously. Benjy could still just lie to him but Sirius was sure he could tell if he did. He really needed to know now. “Have you been sending me gifts? Like twelve Days of Christmas gifts?” Why couldn’t Sirius just ask Remus if he fancied him outright like that? It wasn't that hard to do.

Benjy tilted his head to the side then chuckled, “What?”

“I’ve been getting these gifts from a secret admirer and I thought maybe…”

“I'm sorry but it’s not me. I only went out with you because I hoped we could start being mates without the benefits part of things. I’ve been seeing someone else.”

It was as if Sirius’ heart plummeted into his stomach. If it wasn’t Benjy then who on earth could it be? Could it be Remus like Regulus was saying? It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t be. It had to be Gildroy or someone else. There is no way it could be Remus. “I’d love that.”

“So you don’t know who’s sending these gifts? How’s that been?”

Sirius thought it was fine when he was sure that it was Benjy but now he was not so sure. “It’s been interesting.”

Even though he worked hard to enjoy the rest of the night, it just didn’t happen. He loved the ballet and always enjoyed the Nutcracker no matter how many times he saw it. The first time he'd seen it had actually been with Remus. But tonight he just couldn’t get his mind off the fact that Benjy wasn’t his secret admirer. Maybe this all was only one cruel trick from someone he may have hurt a long time ago. Whatever it was, it wasn’t going to be good because the last good possibility had just told him that it wasn’t.

When he got home that night, Sirius sat on the edge of his bed looking at the screen of his phone. He could have just texted Remus and asked him if it were him. But it would probably hurt too much to know that it wasn’t. Not that the tiny glimmer of hope that he had was giving him a very good feeling. It was horrifying to think the man did love him back after all of this time. Was something like that even possible? What was he going to do if he did? He couldn’t. He just couldn’t. It was more than likely a cruel joke because life had never been that kind to him.

Instead of texting he got changed into his pjs and did his best to get some sleep.

***

The next morning, Sirius found a nicely wrapped box on his doorstep as he was leaving for an early Christmas Eve dinner at the Tonks, Reg and Bill included. He decided not to open the gift yet because his heart just wasn’t in it at the very moment. If it were Remus, he didn’t want to think about it because he’d fall into some type of anxiety spiral. If it were some arsehole doing this just to make him hurt then he didn’t want it.

When he made it to the Tonks a light snow was already falling. They were predicting quite a bit, which was nice but it was going to make for a hell of a commute to go anywhere on Christmas Day. Sirius was glad that he was going to be leaving for the Potters right after dinner with his cousin, and Reg was going to be driving safely to the Weasley’s to spend Christmas there. It was likely he wouldn’t be seeing Remus for a few days either.

He hadn’t spoken to Remus since the Christmas party at the Potter’s. If it had been Remus then why would the man act so strange after the kiss? He could have just said something right there and then, couldn’t he have?

“Woolgathering?” Andi said, breaking his thoughts. She was standing by the stove as Sirius was studying the bottle of wine for no particular reason.

“As usual, right.” He snickered, setting the bottle down.

“Have you got day eleven's gift yet?”

“Yeah, it’s in the car. I didn’t open it yet. It’s bloody heavy.” Sirius had got winded carrying the box and his bag to the car.

“Why haven’t you opened it?”

Sirius bit his lip and shrugged. “I’m just not too sure how to feel about it anymore. The bloke that I thought it was told me he was seeing someone else last night. Now I’m not sure.” He leaned on the counter.

“Maybe you should open it and see what it is.”

“I think I’ll wait.” Sirius was sure that he was never going to open the box at this point, unless if someone forced him to. He also wanted nothing to do with the gift from day twelve.

“You really wanted it to be Benjy, didn’t you?”

Sirius sighed loudly and shook his head. “It was the safest choice. Everything else is, er, dangerous I guess you could say.”

“Dangerous?” Andi said as she set the timer. “Why is it dangerous?”

“Because if I let myself believe who I think it is, I know that I’m just going to let myself get hurt.”

“Sirius, you never let yourself get hurt. You never put yourself out there. You’ve never been in love.”

“Yes, well, I’ve been hung up on the same bloke for ages.” Sirius rubbed his face.

Andi quirked her lips into a quick smile, “Remus.”

“Please don’t…” Sirius just shook his head. He wasn’t sure what he didn’t want her to do. Go on about it like Regulus did all of the time? “It’s not going to be him because it just cannot be him. So I’m going to get my heart broken.”

“Everyone gets their heart broken.”

“Yes, well, I had my heart broken by my own family. I don’t really fancy letting anyone else do it.”

“If it is Remus…” She said quietly.

“It’s not. I haven’t spoken to him in days. He’s not the type to do this sort of thing. It’s far too sentimental for him.” Remus was logical and analytical. He was sweet but he wasn’t the type of sweet to sit and purchase gifts like this. If he fancied Sirius, he would have just come out with it. He was always upfront about everything, no matter what.

“Maybe he’s trying to be sentimental for you. You like romance, even if you don’t want any in your own life.”

Andi was right. He loved seeing people fall in love and do wonderful things for the people they loved. Maybe that was because he always wanted someone to do things for him like that. Here he was, with someone doing something like that for him and he was horrified. The potential of it being the man he had loved all along was making him feel even worse. How was he supposed to date someone and be normal? Why would anyone actually want him when he couldn’t even believe that anyone could love him? “I don’t think I want to talk about this right now.”

“Okay. We don’t have to. But you do deserve to be loved. You know that right?”

Sirius nodded. Sometimes he just wasn’t sure about that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> twelve drummers drumming

“Oh, the weather looks horrid out there,” Effie said when Sirius came into the kitchen where she was making herself a cup of coffee. Her tone made Sirius believe that she was about to break into song but she didn't. “I love snow on Christmas but it looks like the only people enjoying the holiday is the ones that are already here. Not that it matters but I do love having everyone over. It’s been such a wonderful tradition. We'll see them for Brunch tomorrow, though.”

Sirius frowned. That meant the Tonks, Pettigrews, and Lupins wouldn’t be stopping by as they had for years now for drinks after dinner. He was hoping to see Remus. Just see him and maybe he would feel better about everything. He had spent the last day or so agonizing over the possibility that his true mystery love was Remus Lupin. He was also sure that if it was, he’d fuck it up somehow. Someone being an arsehole and pranking him was starting to look better.

“I’m so thankful you made it in last nigh because the roads were getting bad even when you were driving here.” She smiled then became serious when she noticed the look on his face. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t fancy having another conversation as he had with Andi the day before. Both of the women we like the mother that he never really had growing up. “Nothing. I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well.”

“You could take a nap if you need to.”

“No, it’s nearly time for everyone else to get out of bed. Then we’ll have breakfast and open gifts. James may be in his late twenties, but he still acts like a child at Christmas.” Sirius shook his head.

“I know, I hoped that I didn’t spoil him. I did a lot to bring him down to earth, but I didn’t do enough clearly.” She shook her head. “Speaking of gifts, what did you get of your eleventh gift? I think it’s so sweet.”

“I didn’t open it yet. I forgot it at home.” Sirius lied. It was still in his car waiting for him.

“That’s too bad. Today’s the last day, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is.”

Christmas Day passed slowly. Everyone was so happy and joyous, as they always were but it just seemed more amplified at Christmas. Much of Sirius’ time was spent staring out the window hoping to feel okay about any possibility of his true love. He was a bit sad that nothing showed up for him on Christmas from his true love. It had to be because of the weather, or it was someone pulling a prank on him.

By the time dinner rolled around the snow had stopped but it was doubtful that any traveling would be done by anyone that night, so the Potters went on to serve dinner. Sirius was wrapped up in his own thoughts when James got his parents and Sirius’ attention with a clear of his throat. “So, I wanted to share something with you before telling everyone else.”

“Are you dying?” Sirius asked jokingly.

“Bugger off.”

“It’s— I am—“

“I’m pregnant.” Lily rolled her eyes. Sirius was sure the man would have been blathering on all day if she didn’t step in. James had a tendency to go on and on when he was anxious and/or excited.

“Oh my god!” Effie stood up from her seat. “I’m so happy. Congratulations. When are you due? This is just so wonderful.” She said before pulling Lily and James into a hug.

“I can’t wait to be a grandfather.” Monty got up to join the hug.

Sirius was sure he should have been a bit more excited but his head was filled with the fact that he was most likely going to end up old and alone because he couldn’t commit himself to a relationship. The sliver of possibility of having one with Remus was filling him with dread. “Congratulations, you two.” He forced himself to stand up and go hug his friends. He was happy for them and he knew that he’d love the little thing when it was born. Kids were great. This one was going to have amazing parents, so it was going to end up amazing, not all broken like Sirius seemed to be.

That night he went to bed, wondering what the next day was going to bring. The Potters always hosted a brunch for their close friends and family. That just included the Pettigrews, Lupins, Prewetts, Weasleys, and Tonks. Marlene and Dorcas were also invited. It was still quite a few people but always fun. Sirius wasn’t sure how much fun he was going to have.

***

Of course, the Lupins were the last to arrive at the Potter’s. They did have the furthest to travel and they were no doubt taking their time. Sirius tried to play a game with the youngest Weasleys but kept getting distracted, so he was told to bugger off.

“What is wrong with you?” Regulus looked at his brother funny. “You need to get a grip or something. You’ve been like this for the last few days.”

“Yeah, you're more strange than normal,” Bill commented with a grin.

Sirius was about to say something but there was a bit of commotion from the front hall, James dog Snuffles was barking to alert more guests. A few seconds later Remus came into the sitting room carrying a bag of gifts. The younger guests were all chattering away at Remus who regarded them with a lot of patience as he set the bag by the tree before making his way over to where Sirius was sitting with his brother, Bill, Lily, and Marlene.

“Hi.” He smiled at him. “Can we chat for a second?”

Sirius felt those butterflies batting away. “Sure.” It was Remus. There was absolutely no way it could not be Remus Lupin.

“Thank god,” Regulus said under his breath as Sirius stood up to follow Remus. They went towards the library down the hallway, passing Nym and Lily on the way — both wearing big grins. Lily even winked when they walked by. Did everyone know? Sirius began to wonder.

“Look, I figured it out,” Sirius said as they walked into the library.

“Thank god,” Remus said, stopping in the middle of the room. Sirius noticed the package on the desk next to him. “I mean my gift last night was the most obvious.”

“I never opened it — I …” Sirius frowned.

“Why didn’t you open it?” Remus leaned against the desk and folded his arms.

“Because it was either you or I was about to be pranked. Either way, I’m getting my heart broken.”

“What?” Remus laughed. “I don’t understand. How am I going to break your heart?”

“Because I’m going fuck this up. It’s not you. I just — I’m not going to be able to do this right and I’ll ruin everything like always. Then I’ll lose you as a friend again.”

“You never lost me as a friend, Sirius. I’ve always been your friend no matter what. Even after that stupid prank you pulled. I’ve loved you for about ten years now, and I’ve waited for you endlessly. It’s just about the time you come around to the fact that it’s okay to love someone who loves you back. We’ve been dancing around this forever.”

“You left for a year and a half and we didn’t speak once.”

“Because I was so frustrated that you just couldn’t see what we meant to one another. It was so exhausting to be in this limbo with you. I’m done with it. So I decided that I just would put as much distance between us as I possibly could. Then if I still loved you after it all, I would come home and tell you, finally. I’ve been waiting for ages just to say it but I knew you’d panic like you are right now.”

Sirius felt his heart racing in his chest and his ears were ringing. He was panicking. He had been panicking the whole time, even more so since he realized that it could be Remus. Now he was on the verge of a full-blown panic attack it seemed. “You knew that I loved you this whole time?”

“You didn’t know that I loved you?” Remus sighed and ran a hand through his curls. “You didn’t realize I loved you when I let you crawl into my bed when you were depressed or when I held your hand or when I would kiss your forehead or hell when I just looked at you. I was so blatantly obvious most of the time.”

Deep down, Sirius knew all along. He just never wanted to admit it to himself or anyone else. He was too afraid when he was a teenager to go through with telling his best mate that he was in love with him. When he got into his twenties, just was sure he’d fuck it all up. He was still confident that he’d fuck it all up. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“That’s fine.” Remus sighed. “I think you’d be happy though if you gave it a try. But it’s up to you. Just tell me if you never want to try because I’m done with waiting around.” Remus moved closer and lightly pressed a kiss to Sirius’ temple.

“I need some time.” Not that he hadn’t had ten years or anything.

“I just need to know soon. I can’t wait for you any longer. It hurts too much.” Remus said softly before moving away from Sirius then leaving the room.

He looked at the silver wrapped package with a golden bow on the desk. In an attempt to take his mind off the pressing anxiety, he opened the package up. Inside was twelve albums and a note that read, ‘there are twelve drummers drumming on here, right?’. Sirius smiled then rubbed his eyes that at some point filled with tears when he realized the records were ones that he and Remus tended to listen to while lounging around their dorm at Hogwarts.

Then he started to think of the rest of the gifts. The first one he had no connection to and neither the second but the third had some things. Remus knew his love of dumb jokes and cooking. The macaroons were from the same place that Sirius had bought him some from Paris after he was forced to go on a family trip there over the summer holiday once. Day five, Remus always made fun of Sirius’ addiction to Lush. The sixth day brought a throw that looked like one Sirius always stole off of Remus’ bed… each day there was something that connected the gifts to Remus and Sirius even if it was in the smallest way.

Sirius’ mind wandered to the package sitting in his car. Remus said it gave him away, so what would it be? He should have been given away quite some time ago if Sirius was thinking about it. Sirius wiped his eyes then went to his room to find his keys before making his way out to the car, luckily he didn’t run into anyone. They were all either in the dining room or living room it seemed. Sirius was able to sneak right out and into his car. He sat in the driver's seat and reached over to tear back the red wrapping. Inside was Jane Austen’s full works in a gorgeous hardcover. Remus had read Pride and Prejudice to him over the summer after their sixth year. Sirius always said he’d read them but never did. He picked up Pride and Prejudice and open the book, flipping through the pages. A note fell out:

_If you have not figured it out yet, I’m not sure why I’m doing this any longer. I’m sorry you won’t get your last gift until Boxing Day now, bloody weather. I’ll read you the rest of Austen’s works if you fancy. This has nothing to do with pipers, does it? Oh well, you are a rule breaker so I hope you can enjoy this connectionless gift._

Again, the tears came. Sirius could have had what he wanted so long ago but just never opened himself up enough to get it. He wasn’t sure if he could live happily now that this was there hanging over his head. How could he live every day knowing that he could have the one thing he wanted? Wouldn’t it be better to try and it to blow up in his face than to not try at all and wonder ‘what if’ the rest of his life? Sirius took a deep breath before picking up the box and going inside.

He found Remus sitting on the sofa in the living room next to Peter. Lily and James were squished on the chair next to it, Regulus and Bill were sitting on the ground, and Nym was chatting away with Marlene and Dorcas not too far away by the fire. He took another big deep breath before going to sit on the sofa next to Remus. James was still talking, it seemed to be about Lily being pregnant so he apparently told everyone already. Sirius took Remus’ hand and squeezed it. Remus squeezed it back and Sirius felt as if some weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. It felt like it was all going to be okay.

“Oh thank god,” Lily said, staring at them. “I honestly thought you might just leave and we’d never see you again because you were having some sort of complex.”

“What?” Sirius glared at her.

“You did it! Thank god.” Marlene said as the three women moved closer to them.

“How long did you all know?” Sirius questioned.

“Know what, that you fancied one another or that Remus was the one sending the gifts?”

“Wait, Remus was the one sending the gifts?” James said.

“Mate, we all knew but James. Some figured it out sooner than others.” Peter said.

“I helped! I caught Remus trying sneak into the office the second day.” Nym grinned widely.

“I figured it out by day three,” Lily said then the rest confirmed they knew as well.

“I’d just like to state the fact that I knew even while I was in the states.” Regulus pointed out with a smile.

“Everyone in this house knew you fancied Remus and vice versa. For a long while now, I'd say. There was a point, our last year at Hogwarts right after James and I got together, that he was convinced you two were dating but not telling him.” Lily said.

“What?” Sirius laughed, leaning into Remus. Remus who was now his, which was mind-blowing.

“We spent one of our first weeks together trailing you two because he was sure. So sure. Hell, you've acted like you were a couple for as long as I can remember.”

“I saw Sirius snogging that bloke from the football team. Put that to an end.”

“Oh, that’s when you got all weird about that. I thought you were having are hard time accepting the fact that your best friend was gay.” Sirius remembered James confronting him about it. It was rather strange because James had known that Sirius was gay, he thought maybe it was because he actually saw him snogging a bloke.

“I thought you were cheating on Moony,” James said honestly.

“I’d never.”

“I’d kill you if you did.” Lily reminded him. “So don’t fuck this up.”

“I’ll try my hardest.”

***

Later that night, after going back to his flat and finally shagging after fantasizing about it for ages and a bit of nap, Sirius and Remus were under the fleece goose down throw sitting on the sofa in the living room watching Dirty Dancing. Sirius was thinking about the last twelve days then groaned.

“What?”

“God, I was just thinking about everything you said that hinted at it being me. You and that bloody mystery man.” He covered his face with his hand.

“Yes, you are a bit daft when it comes to this stuff. It’s okay though. I still love you.” Remus kissed his cheek.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. We’re here now and we’ve got plenty of time together.”

“We do.” Sirius kissed him slowly then pulled away with a smile. “I never thought you were sentimental enough to do all that.”

“You like grand romantic gestures, even if you don’t want to admit it. So I did it for you. It had been so bloody long that I loved you, I wanted to sort of just go all out.” Remus said.

“Even if it stressed me out at points, I appreciated it. By the way, how come you acted so strange after kissing me the night of the Potter’s party?”

“You said, ‘won’t be doing that again.’” Remus snickered. “It hurt a bit.”

“Well, we will be doing that again, rather a lot.”

“Well then, happy Christmas to us.”

“And the very happiest New Year.”


End file.
